BYE, BYE BIRDIE
I was at the beach with my 4-year-old son, Pauly, when we discovered a dead seagull lying in the sand. “Mommy, what happened to him?” Pauly asked.
“He died and went to heaven,” I told him.
Pauly thought for a moment, then said, “Did God throw him back down?”
SEEING YOURSELF IN A SERMON
Following the Sunday morning service, the pastor stood at the back of the church, shaking hands with the worshipers as they left. As one man shook hands, he looked intently at the pastor and said, “Powerful sermons, Pastor. Thoughtful, well researched. I can always see myself in them…and I want you to knock it off.”
While listening to the song “Train Up a Child,” my daughter Emily asked me what “train up” means. I explained that it means to teach children about God and the difference between right and wrong. “Are you and Daddy training me up?” she asked.
“We’re trying to,” I said.
Emily turned back to the stereo and muttered, “We’ll see about that.”
DRAWING WITHOUT A MIRROR
David came home from third grade art class with this report. “They told us to draw ourselves,” he said. “But without a mirror, I ended up drawing a total stranger.”
At age three, my son Jason was learning the Pledge of Allegiance at his preschool. He came home one day and announced, “Mom, we have a flag at school. It’s red and white and we talk to it!”
TRUTH OR CONSEQUENCES
One day I explained to my five-year-old daughter that if she chose to disobey me, she would have to live with the consequences.
“Oh, Mommy!” she said with a terrified look on her face. “Please don’t make me live with the Consequences. I want to live here with you!”
DON’T WORRY, DADDY!
My six-year-old granddaughter called her father from her friend Charlotte’s house and confessed she had broken a lamp when she threw a basketball in their living room.
“But, Dad,” she said, brightening, “you don’t have to worry about buying another one. Charlotte’s dad said it was irreplaceable.”
I was watching my five-year-old granddaughter Christy play with her dolls. At one point, she “staged” a wedding, first playing the role of the bride’s mother who assigned specific duties, then suddenly becoming the bride with her “teddy bear” groom.
She picked him up and said to the “minister” presiding over the wedding, “Now you can read us our rights.” Without missing a beat, Christy became the minister who said, “You have the right to remain silent, anything you say may be held against you, you have the right to have an attorney present. You may kiss the bride.”